Breaking The Silence

I live married to my depression and anxiety, a relationship I no longer want to be ashamed of. Although I live in fear that being open about my mental illness will change the way I am treated, it doesn’t compare to the excruciating silence that I have been living in. There is nothing lonelier than living a life that you can’t share with the rest of the world because of fear. It is time I break the silence.

So, there it is, my big secret exposed. I finally found the strength and courage to open up about an illness that is so hard to talk about and difficult to understand. It is not easy being open about mental illness because it isn’t always treated like a real illness. There are so many stigmas around mental illness. Some may think it is a personal choice to be depressed and anxious but that is far from the truth. There is so much more to mental illness, such as a chemical imbalance or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Although depression and anxiety isn’t something you choose to have; you do have the choice to live life to the fullest. I chose life, and that was when my recovery began. I chose to accept admission into a psychiatric hospital after wanting to attempt suicide. I chose to live for myself and not for other people. I chose to be curious about my future and I chose to have hope even though my depression was telling me to do otherwise. I chose to live alongside my depression and anxiety, I accepted my illness and chose treatment.

Learning to accept my mental illness and choose recovery has been one of the hardest decisions I’ve made thus far. Accepting that you aren’t mentally stable isn’t the easiest; it takes a toll on how you perceive yourself and how you treat yourself. I found myself doubting everything that I did because of my mental illness. I believed that my mental illness made me less of a person and that I didn’t deserve the best that life had to offer. Now that has changed. I believe that anyone who has a mental illness deserves a meaningful life, as does anyone without a mental illness. Without acceptance and grace, I wouldn’t have ever come to this realization.

Life isn’t easy, especially when you suffer from a mental illness, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a chance at life. As hard as it may be to believe, life can be lived with a mental illness and it can be just as enjoyable if you put yourself and your mental health first. I had to become selfish and I put my needs before anyone else’s to get the help I needed. Being able to stop what you’re doing and evaluate your health is important. You must know when the stress is too much or when that “funk” that you’re in is no longer a funk. Asking for help is the only way you can live a life alongside a mental illness. Living with and accepting the mental illness won’t be a cake walk, but it will be a way for you to live a life that you deserve.

So, here’s to choosing life: the best decision I’ve ever made.